


Pearly in the house:Minion slut

by sashakate



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Multi, Not Serious, Pewey hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:11:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4411520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashakate/pseuds/sashakate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dewey becomes president, with Pearl as his first lady.<br/>(Im so sorry please dont take this seriously)</p><p>(1st chapter really short, introduction)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Pearl was sitting next to her lover, Mayor Dewey. THeir eyes were glued onto the television set in front of them (that they were looking at) .  
They anxiously waited for the results, for this was the day they may find out if Mayor Dewey would become President Dewey. Pearl looks seductively at her love muffin “You know I'm going to leave you if you lose right?”  
“Like I would let you do that” He replies firm arm around her waist, the other rested upon her belly. Her hand lying limp on his member, the other in a large bag of spicy cheetos, or something, with a chester the  
cheetah rubbernecking bewitchingly also at the tv, because he seemed to be excited to watch the results of the fateful election. 

The cock strikes midnight, though at washington it would be 10 pm, or 2:18 in the afternoon in zimbabwe. The chime reverberates throughout the mayoral Dewey estate.  
The phone rings, so damn fucking loudly, it's really so goddamn loud. Pearl answers the phone call, a man says in a deep dark voice over the phone “Mayor Dewey is now President Dewey!!!!”  
Pearl cried many watery tears of happiness, which rolled down her cheek, and made her face as wet as her gem pussy.  
“Now that you have have actual power you are actually kinda sexy, jk humans are lame and cannot be powerful.” Pearl flirts  
“I’ll show you my power until your lame tonight.” Dewey replies.  
“Your so swaggy.” She coos, pulling his pants down.


	2. All the love in the nightsky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love happens when you least expect it too <3

It was a big day for the two sweethearts. Today was the day that they would leave behind Beach city, and move to the white house. The second they  
walk into the door of the white house they are greeted by a short yellow fellow, know as a minion. “Banana!” It shouted.   
This was so sexy that it gave Dewey and Pearl instant boners.“Im so glad I left Steven behind for this!” Pearl cheers, spinning happily. The house was just about   
as pretty and cool and nice as a human house could be. Pearl didnt like it but she didnt care because it had S O M A N Y places to frickle Dewey at.Plus the fact that neither of them have children that means that there is even more room for it to happen in. And best of all, there are a large amount of Minion staff workers. 

Pearl shooed Dewey away “Lol u probably have some president shit to do or something just leave” As soon as President-Mayor Dewey was out of sight, Pearl got down on her knee, and caressed the face of the minion sexygod before her. “I’m married or something,but you are such a hawt little yellow fucker that I can barely keep  
myself off of you.” The gem moans, her crotch liquids seeping through all her layers of clothing, and a small puddle forming on the floor below her, on the marble or something ground, which she is on. “Since u are my slave, show me where the nearest closet is.” She winks at its face. The evil yellow twinkie ass fucker lead the way. As soon as they arrived at the place closet, they shut the door. Pearl pinned him up against the wall, and whispered into his ear(do minions even have fucking ears??)   
“I hope that you have some type of dick, because it only counts as sex if a dick is involved, and my whole entire body wants you so bad, even though gems have no reason to feel lust, because its not nessicary for their reproduction.” This was the most sexy thing that had ever been said to a minion before, so he leaned in, and kissed   
Pearl deeply, so deep that his tounge literally went down her throat. She ended up choking, but that only fueled her drive. She pulled away from his color between green and orange in the spectrum lips, and began to suck on where his neck would be if minion anatomy wasnt completely fucked up.

Just as things were about to get really sexy and heated, someone opens the door, “Misses first Lady Dewey gem person, your husband thinks that his butt looks great at this very moment, he needs you to check it out for him.” Pearl sighs, “We will continue this later, and I’ll be sure to bring the whip next time.” She leaves him, and   
shuts the closet door behind her. Somehow using her cool gem powers or something, she knew exactly where to find her husband, he was sitting on the grass of the lawn, while still in a suit. He stands up as soon as he sees his dreamboat. “So how does it look?” He asks, with a stupid smile on his face, the type with way too much teeth showing. His butt looked like a plastic bag filled halfway with cottage cheese, “Much better than usual” She replies. 

“I could get used to living here.” Pearl says, while fantisizing about a minion. “As long as you are right here, next to me, and by my side, I could be anywhere and I’ll at least not be misrable.” Dewey replies.


	3. A sip from the devils cup

Deweys shedule very quickly became busy as fuck. Being president was a lot of work. He barely had any free time to walk around his new house naked. (And rub his dick up against every door, as that is his ritual for moving into a new house. ) So him and his lover hadn’t had the time to do much sex, the one time they tried to have a quicky, 2 seconds in and someone knocked on the door, needing the presidants help. Pearl has become very sexually frusterated, and doesn’t know what masterbation is. Even the tinyiest things can set her into crazy animal lust mode. Even a piece of dust landing anywhere near her gem crotch could make her so wet that she would have to bathe in her own juices. And the fact that sexy minions were pretty much in every room in the house didn’t help her at all.  
So Pearl had a great idea, she would take a night out on the town, and her hubby would never have to find out about it. She changed into her sexiest outfit, (candy nipple tassles, and a c string), and walked to the nearest strip bar. This was her first time ever going to one, so she sat in the corner, on the floor. And watched the strippers from afar. That was until she spotted him, the one that she lusts. Wearing a black corset, was a minion, rubbing its junk up against a stripper pole. She walks up to it, and hands it a $500 bill. “ How about you give me a lap dance .” She asks, but its more like a demand than an ask, sitting down in the nearest seat, and spreading her legs. The minion complies, it bucks its hips onto her. She moans in pleasure. And this catches the attention of like everyone in the room. Including….PRESIDENT DEWEY!!!!! He walks up to her, and gently places the minion on the floor, and steps on it. “ Im here for president buissness stuff!! You aren’t president i dont know why you are here.we will talk about it when we get home, but wear this” He says, handing her a chastity belt. Then runs to the boys bathroom. Pearl puts on the belt, and leaves the place, one tear dripping down her eye, because she didn’t get to get off. The minion runs out of the fine establishment “Tulaliloo ti amo” It says, “Pwede na?” Pearl didn’t understand what he was saying at all, but she was sure it was something sexy. It grabbed her by the hand, and lead her to the shady allyway on the side of the building. “But my vagema is covered..” Pearl says. The minion didn’t even give her time to say anything else. It ripped off her nipple tassles, almost ripping some skin off with it. He then rubbed the flesh cones slowly, and then fastly. He put on in his mouth, and used a little bit of teeth on it. He continued with this for like 2 hours, and Pearl finally had it, the most amazing orgasm of her life. He legs shook like wet leaves, her brain was firing so many chemicals. She couldnt handle it. She passed out. The minion dragged her back home. Because it convieniently also worked at the white house.   
**The line had been crossed, Pearl had tasted a minion, and she would never go back. Once a minion gives you an orgasm it becomes an addiction. A deadly addiction.**  



	4. Words can sting.

Tension was heavy in the air the next morning. How could Dewey ever face the fact that his one and only wanted to do the dirty with a twinkie? Even though he lay so close to her, in the presidential bed, he felt as far away as anyone could. It was as if the weight of the whole entire universe was on his chest. Did he leave the town he loves, and his son(who is now homeless) behind, just to have a lot more power, and be with a woman who isn’t faithful? It would be so much easier to run, or ship all the minions off to russia and nuke them or something. But he couldn’t let his snugglebunny down. 

“I brought you some breakfast in bed!” Dewey says, as soon as his wife wakes up.   
“I don’t eat, or sleep” She frowns, turning her torso away from him.  
“What happened to us?” He asks, because he has to know.  
“Their roundness...they remind me of Rose.” Pearl admits finally being honest with herself. “She was the love of my life, and they are the first ones to make me feel like life is more than just surviving. The second I saw one of them, I felt purpose again. I want to devote my life to them. I would die for minions.”   
“I love you” The president says, running his hand gently against her face.  
“And I don’t even like you.” She replies.  
This instantly turns him on, he pushes her down onto the bed. “Its about time that I finally took that chastity belt off.” He winks, unlocking it, and pulling it off of her, Leaving her completely naked. “I’ll close my eyes and act like you are a minion she says.” She says smilling. 

Dewey slid inside of her, and was so turned on that he came before he even had the chance to push his entire small dick inside her. He flopped over onto his side of the bed, breathing heavy. “You so good at the sex.”  
Pearl stood up and faced him, shapshifting so her normal outfit is on, and then sat down next to him again.  
"You should probably get dressed now, you probably have some president stuff to do today."  
"I do" He admits, sitting up in the bed. "But fuk that stuff, you are way more important than America will ever be. I'm taking the day off. We are going to get our presidential animal today."


	5. Pearl goes to the pound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some absolutely heart wrenching angst ahead. Continue at your own risk

"What do you think of that dog?" Dewey asks his wife. She frowns. "It looks too much like Amethyst, and I bet its just as dirty."  
Pearl crosses her arms and walks away from the cage.   
"What about a rabbit? I'm sure you would love that?"  
She shakes her head, all these animals are just so gross looking.   
"You never even asked me if I wanted an animal!" She squawked,  
"But Im president now, I have to have something."  
Pearl flips him the bird, and walks back to the car. 

So Dewey didn't adopt an animal, he slumped back to join his lovebird in the car, his mind racing a mile a minute, filled with such sad thoughts, such sad and oh so tragic thoughts. If he could fall over and never get up he would.And he would lie there, until the vultures came around and start to eat his unalive flesh.  
He saw her sitting there,her beautifully amazing eyes that are blue filled with tears.   
"I know things aren't like there were back at beach city,"  
He softly touches her chin, while moving his body to sit down in the drivers seat "But since we got here, I feel like you have been so distant. Its like I don't even know you anymore at all."  
"I wouldn't expect a human to ever understand. " She pulls her face away from him.   
___________

It was a long and quiet ride home, and the whole time Dewey blasted Linkin Park, and Evanescence music, and sang along very loudly.  
At one point even Pearl sang along.  
They pulled into where ever the heck the president parks his car. Dewey immidiately opens his door, and lifts his butt off of the seat.   
Pearl grabs his arm.  
"I have an idea" She states, a small grin erupting from her facial muscles. It made Dewey so happy that he almost(well actually did) pop a half of a boner (and by half a boner I mean a giant raging one, but it wasn't hard to hide seeing as his member is really smol).   
"A minion!" Pearl cheers. She gets so excited that she pulls Dewey close, and plants a kiss on his lips.  
"We can put a minion on a collar! It will be a perfect pet! And we can bring it everywhere we go!" She is so excited that she is   
almost to the point of foaming at the mouth.  
"Thats a perfect idea!" The car somehow dissapears between them, even though it is never meantioned that they left it car, its convenient to act like the car is nonexistent at this point so that lazy writing is allowed to happen.  
Dewey grabs her by the small of the waist and spins her around. For a whole good minute. It gets kinda awkward after awhile, so he blushes and puts her down. They proceeds to fall on his ass from dizzyness.   
"The sex collar is still in my suitcase right?" Pearl asks, and gets a nod.   
She sprints into the house, grabs the collar, and walks up to the first minion she sees.  
"You are going to be my pet now." She says seductively, tracing her hand around the creatures overalls.   
She shifts her hand around its neck, her touches lingering a lot longer than they should, desire burning in her eyes, she licks her lips, and bites them.  
"Nothing weird about you being my pet...and my servant."  
She puts on the collar and gropes its crotch.  
"Nothing weird at all here in the slightest."

She couldn't deny that the collar somehow if its even possible made the minion even more attractive, it complimented its thick yellow neck so well, she never thought in her whole entire lifespan she would meet some one who made her feel like this. 6000+ years of being alive, and its the golden logs of smooth lovelyness that she just couldn't get enough of.   
She unhooked one of the overall straps to its outfit. Not caring where they are, if they work fast enough they can surely-  
Just then Dewey walks in, he goes over to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead, "Hey snuggleboo, we should go eat lunch, well I should eat lunch and you should come watch me with disgust like you always do." He walked off.  
Pearl leaned over to the minion and whispered. "Meet me here at 4 am." She gave a wink and groped its tigh ass. She would be getting her first real dosage of minion meat tonight. Can she take it? Or is she always doomed to forever be stuck at almost.


	6. Oh no!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH NO!!!!

Pearl ran on the beach with her legs. Pearl had never been to a beach before and looking at the weird wet stuff that bunches up and went after her but crashed on her feet made her curled up in fetal position except she was never a fetus. Dewey splashed her and laughed, but then suddenly his swim trunks that were way too tight for him and rode up his hairy ass floated away in the glistening waves of azure.

 

Horrfied, dewey reached for the first shell he could find. He picked up a small periwinkle and put it on his dick to maintain a sense of modestly or something. But there was a problem; for the shell to stay on, he had to get hard. He looked at pearl with his eyes but stayed flacid. Then he used his incredibly limited imagination to picture oearl naked but he couldn’t. He thought he migt have to stand in the waves naked for the rest of his life. He was the president!!!!! Pearl would leave him if he couldn’t evem solve his own nudity. 

 

Then, suddenly, a kinda obloid yellow savior descending from above except it wasbn’t really that impressive because he was just cominf down a dune of beach sand on the edge of the beach appeared. But that wasn’t what sexed dewey up. His throbbing yellow banaane was barely held in place by a skimpy as fuck banana hamock and very little was left to deweys imagintation. He got HARD and tried to put the shell on again. But the stimulation on his dick caused him to orgasm, squirting an itty bitty puff of seme3n onto the periwinkle shell and his dick was flaccid again. Still he was thankful to the mainion maybe pearl loving a twinkie wouldn’t be so bad?!

 

Still he was naked. So then a hand with fingers enclosing a tight little swim suit with “pre$ident of the U!S!A U!A!S #1!!!!” stitches onto it by that weird kid with sunburned skin that ste *redacted* comes in the show sometimes like he made teashirts once dewey didn’t care about thev random kid but he really liked the swimwear he embroidered fior him painstakingly in a desperate cry for effection. The hand belonged to a gem and uit wasn’t pearl.

 

“OMG!!!! Hi Pearl!” the gem named diamond said, “I know you from the homeworld!!! Middleschool-tastic!”

 

Pearl: Diamond!! Your my best friend! *she screams subsonically and rubs noses dewey wishes he could rub noses with pearl but she’d probably just impale him and enjoy it*

OMG you’re so kawaii looking these days we should catch up in that sketchy looking creepy house with weird moans coming from it. You know several kids went missing there? Like this chubby half-gem with curly black hair was his name *redacted* but also so many more. I think deweys son was planning to go there he sent me a letter but nobody wants to hear what dewey has to say so i burned it with gem powers.

 

So everybody goes into the creepy house that seems to yell “stay out!” at them. Dewey trips on a gravestone and fell into a spider web. Diamond sees a terrfiying bloody screaming face in the window and waves at the strange human. “Middleschool-tastic!” she cries up at it it screasm and vanishes. 

Meanwhile the minion wrestles the speck of a spider that had dewey overpowered. It’s a long fight and they get separated from the girls. Dewey is terrifies of more spiders, so he hides in a suit of armor. The minion becomes a strange ritual to summon that of which is unspeakable. Normally he’d need a human sacrifice, but it was tuesday and he had a half-of special coupon. The life of a single bacteria would do. He loosed his dick because weirdo rituals are so mauch better with nudity. 

 

Meanwhile, in front of the mirror with “abandon all hope” written in blood on it and creepy faces in it if pearl or diamond looked at it with their gem eyes at the right angle, which was usually 361.999996667722 degrees (fahrenheit because celsius is for garnets) or something. Anyway at the creepy also did i mention it was cracked mirror, diamond exposited

Diamon: Oh, kindergartens? psha, Pearl! Those are baby stuff. I'm building a middleschool

 

Pearl said, “I literally never asked, best buddy ever”

 

“Middleschool-tastic!” diamond said

 

“Hey Pearl, I’ve missed you! Where are the others?” said a creepy but oddly familiar little boy’s voice that couldn’t possibly belong to st*redacted*, as the herring taxidermied onto the wall that could suddenly talk attested. Pearl an

d diamond decided the room was super creepy. “Not at all middleschool-tastic ugh. “

 

So they went to a hallway the paintings eyes follow their gem mammaries that look so hot in their string bikinis. Diamond reaches into a suit of armor,

“Middleschool-tastic!” she says “I think I’ve found the world’s smallest sausage!”

 

“Gross” pearl said, “giuve it to amythest or something”

 

“Where?” said the suit of armor but pearl recognized the coming from the mouth of whatever weird, debauched, malicious creature was in the suit voice. It was dewey. “Oh, said pearl, I eat that kind of sausage every day” said Pearl. 

 

“Middleschool-tastic/ Now that we’re caught up, we can eat watermelons homoerotically!” 

 

“No homo” pearl said, “I’m straight, remember” 

 

“Oh, I thought with the way you were all over rose corpse…”

 

“Pearl. That was heterosexual knight stuff. But that pun was funny because we’re in a creepy house and i think there’s a corpse hidden in that mattress from the smell and also rose quartz is dead and never ever coming back”

 

Dewey got out of the armor. Everyone left the house to see the ritual. It got PEARL SO WET she couldn’t contain herself in her string bikini she shapeshifted into a crotchless string bikini. Minion dick was too powerful, but there was a problem. It seems the ritual had called forth a writhing mass of tentacles attached to a creature so powerful it cared not about the pitiful flailings of gemkin, as little as we care about the life of a single bacteria that the minion sacrificed. But they could tell by the bow on its head and the huge tits that the eldritch abomination was a girl, and to pearl, that meant DTF the minion that had summoned it into the world. Diamonds punched it and it died.


	7. All thats good, and thats gone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit gets ficking real

4 AM couldn't come fast enough for Pearl. She had never in her whole life been this anxious and jittery. She thought a few times that she may get the chance to sneak away. But somehow Dewey always found a way to interupt her.  
Its like he knows that the author wants to drag out and stall the plot so much that for the longest time nothing ever happens.  
But Dewey is far too dumb to realise this, for he is a mere pawn in the hands of someone. One time he even called her over just to say hi. Just to fucking say hi.  
Like all things do this passed, and the hours rolled by, soon enough Dewey put his head down to rest.

As soon as Pearl was completely sure that her husband had fallen into a deep sleep, she started her approach to meet up with the  
person she had promised to meet with. Her heart was beating in her ears. She would finally get to receive what she had so desperately desired  
for such a long time now.It seemed so unreal, and dreamlike. She was sitting on the highest cloud,  
and nothing could bring her down from that high. Everything so suddenly seems so much brighter and its almost as if she had never had to suffer through  
any hardships in her lifetime. It was everything she could have ever asked for and more.  
With each footstep her smile grew larger and larger. This is it. She closes her eyes as she turns to the hall where she should meet him. 

"Here I am." She says, her eyes flutter open.But what she knew she would see, is absolutely nowhere in sight.  
She sinks down, pressing her face to her knees, before she knows it her vision goes blurry from tears. "Why..." She whispers through her sobs.  
She falls over to her side, and sits there for what seems to be an eternity. But eventually her tears are all cried out, and all she is left with that dead numb feeling inside.  
Now that her vision is back to normal, she notices a piece of paper on the floor beside her

__________________________

"Dear Pearl,

I wanted so badly to be here for you, If I could have I would be here for you. Here for us.  
But I can't. I can't ever see your beautiful face again. And its killing me inside. But its your smile that gave me the strength to do what I need to do.  
I can't stay here any longer. My sins have finally caught up to me. I'm going to be taken in to answer for the warcrimes that I have committed. Us minions have a dark history. I'm leaving here. I'm on the run. Maybe oneday our paths will cross again. I hope so. I love you. I'm sorry. I couldn't have you wonder for the rest of your life why I wasn't there to meet you.

 

Your love,  
Unnamed minion #3 "

_________________________

It took Pearl a moment to process what she had just read. But as soon as they do, she sprints over to Deweys room. She shakes him violently.  
"Dewey!!!!!!!!!! Wake up now!!!!!!!!!!!! Its an emegency!!!!!!!!"  
Dewey wakes up, and calls the FBI.


	8. In search and silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could this happen to me?  
> I made my mistakes  
> Got nowhere to run  
> The night goes on  
> As I'm fading away  
> I'm sick of this life  
> I just wanna scream  
> How could this happen to me?  
> \- Simple plan

"Theres no sign of him, I'm sorry." Dewey says, taking a seat next to his wife on the floor. "But we aren't giving up yet."  
He places a hand on Pearls shoulder to comfort her, it didn't really help any. There is only one thing in this world that could help her right now, and that  
is to be in the arms of her beloved.  
"How are you holding up?" He asks.

About as well as I can be I guess..." She traces a circle on the floor with her finger. "I just want to see him again." Saying this outloud brought a wave  
of emotion back over her head. "Dewey, lets just get in the car, we can find him....If we try hard enough nothing is imposible" Pearl finally said with determination. "Now THATS the attitude of the woman I married." He kissed her forehead gem and pulled out his keys from his pocket. "Where do you want to look first?" The gem followed him to his car, "That alleyway...next to the club we were at that one night." Pearl could conveniently feel in her heart where her soulmate was. Because that is the way that soulmates work, they are connected togehter, forever.

"You know that this could be dangerous right?" The prez mayor man said.  
"Isn't my happiness a risk worth taking? Its our presidential pet, its job is just as important as yours, and if you don't believe that I could always leave-"  
Dewey cuts her sentence short. "Absolutely anything for you my love, if it gets dangerous out there...just know that when I am fleeing in terror, you will be on my mind and you will be in my heart, you are the only one who will ever be sexy and cool and nice and sweet, and fabulous and amazing and perfect enough for me. I don't know why, but I just can't ignore an aching feeling in my gut that someone is going to die tonight. I can't die because I have an important job and you can't die because you are my absolute only reason to keep living, its not like I have any other family of kids that I care even a sliver about, its all for you babe"  
"Well, those certainly ARE words Dewey, it was kinda cool being sorta married I guess, but haha what do I know."  
"One last kiss before this big and dramatic scene?"  
Pearl kisses him on the cheek.  
Dewey blushes an even deeper shade of red and revs up his engine.

 

And just like that they speed off, down those familiar roads, but now everything is somehow darker, somehow more ominous. Those strong memories of their adventure of having lived in this area (for like 2 days?) stick in their brains. Everything was so simple and perfect back then;there was no fear about the future, no fear about never seeing that one specific minion again. The streetlights reflected into Pearls bright blue galvanized eyes, which almost seemed to glow with the after image of passing cars.And here it was, that road, the road leading up to the place where Pearl had had that special meeting with a minion, how unforgettable each and every second of it was, she could never bring herself to forget it

s

Out of the car Pearl and Dewey got. And just as was expected,in the alley was the minion, and a man in a suit?


End file.
